2 years ago I was a new Mom of two, just moved two a new state, and left with a 1 year old and a newborn while my husband left for 4 months for some military training. I was lost, confused, hating my new body and desperate for something new. I started a journeyto find myself again and along the way I found a whole new me I never new existed.
The first year of my daughters life was the worst year of my life. Now before you all shame me or just turn away because you think I am an awful person let me explain.
I was a new Mom to this absolutely perfect little girl. I had the most amazing and supportive husband and I still couldn’t find happiness! My daughter was on the road to growing up watching her Mom obsess of every little thing that went into her mouth, yo-yo diet only to gain back more weight when I failed 2 weeks in, and hate the image she saw looking back in the mirror. I was setting my daughter up for major issues!
The thing was I had NO idea how to change. I didn’t even know where to begin. I looked at the weight on the scale and the thought of what I wanted that number to be, and the weight I needed to lose totally overwhelmed me. I had no direction, purpose, or reason for wanting to lose weight except to look a specific way and be able to wear the “appropriate” size! I tried getting started on my own and navigating the way I thought I was supposed to (severe calorie restriction) and failed miserably.Then I got pregnant, again!
Fast-forward nine months- I had my second kiddo (15 months after our first). That pregnancy was hard. I was already in an uncomfortable place prior to getting pregnant and added on another 30 lbs during that pregnancy! I was even more miserable. I couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror- in fact I DIDN’T look at myself in the mirror, I didn’t own a scale- I just turned off any thoughts of needing to be healthy and ate whatever the heck I wanted to. Coming out of that pregnancy an old friend reached out to me. I had been following this journey she had been on- a journey to find happiness through fitness and nutrition and self-love. I envied her positivity and outlook on life. She looked like she was truly LIVING life! So I joined her.
I took my first before picture and hid it under a locked file in my computer.
I committed to finding a new me. Let me remind you- I had a 6 week old newborn, a 15 month old toddler and my husband was across the country for the first 4 months of this new journey. It wasn’t easy but I’ll never forget the first time my husband texted me and said- “you seem so happy!” That was when I knew every single time I wanted to give up but pushed through- it was worth it. I was finally enjoying each day with my kids and felt like I was start to live each day fuller
I also remember the first time that I noticed how different I felt. I was a cheerleader in high school and they decided to do a football game and invite all the alumni to cheer! It was something my friends and I had talked about for years. I was so excited when I found out but then my stomach sank. I had avoided going to any functions where people from high school might see me. Anytime I was around anyone I knew from high school my thoughts were consumed by wondering what they were thinking about me. Where they wondering how I could let myself get this far out of shape and how could my husband still want to stay with me. It was heartbreaking. I was so excited for this game but also scared beyond belief. I was very new into my journey when we found out about this game and I had no idea where I would be when game day arrived. It was scheduled about two months into my journey.
So game day arrived, I was feeling great but still nervous! We got onto the field and started cheering. I was nervous for about the first 10 mins, wondering if I would be able to make if through the first quarter without being too exhausted to continue. Next thing I knew we were starting the second quarter and I was still feeling like I could run a marathon. I could hear everyone around me starting to mention how tired they where, their legs hurt, their arms hurt, they were out of breath but I felt GREAT!! Before I knew it we were through the first half of the football game and I had survived. I made it through my first alumni cheer game and I felt more energized then when I started. That was when I new things were on the horizon!
So about a month in I decided I NEEDED to share this with the world. If I could help just one lady find the happiness I was finding- then I would feel fulfilled! I started sharing my journey and my experience with all my family and friends. I had found a fire inside me that was igniting my life! I couldn’t be stopped.
So I spent the next year continuing to learn more about myself. I pushed myself and did things I never thought I would be able to. I have learned that in order to be the best mom and wife, I have to take some time for me every day. I cannot fill anyone’s cup if I don’t fill mine first. I gained a family of ladies who push me everyday to be my best. They support me, help me grow, and make me a better person. There’s a quote I read once that said
“surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to get there, energies are contagious”
I have no idea who wrote that quote but this is exactly what I started doing! And I could feel my energy changing.
At the end of my first year we found out *somewhat surprising* news- we were expecting out third munchkin. I was visiting my family for an extended period of time due to a sick family member. It was a rough time and with it ending in saying goodbye to that family member, I got somewhat lost. Upon coming back “home” with my husband I struggled finding my way again. The pregnancy rocked me, it was by far my hardest pregnancy of the three. But I survived it, I learned SO much about myself, and I really focused on the struggled of self-love. This time of even more inner growth ended up being really good for me.
I came out of my pregnancy stronger internally and ready to start helping ladies in a new way. Don’t get me wrong- fitness and nutrition is still my focus, but I was ready to start helping woman find inner happiness, confidence in whatever state they are in, and real deep rooted joy! I am currently (as of May 24th, 2018) 5 weeks into my postpartum journey. It has been an amazing 5 weeks so far.
So that brings me to the purpose of this blog. If you have read this far, then you must be ready to know why I am doing this. I want to take you on my journey of Momhood. Having three kids now, three years of age and younger, I have learned a lot about the struggles Moms face. No I am NOT saying I am an expert, by any means! But I hope that by sharing my experiences with you and my lessons I learn, that I can help you learn some tips and also know that you aren’t alone! We are all face struggles everyday and I will show the lowest of low and the highest of highs.
So here we go- let’s do this together! Cheers ladies
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